Realisations
by romancefr3ak
Summary: Prequel to Falling In and Out of Love... Sakura thought she was in love, she really did. But as she opens her eyes to her heart she realises the reality of love and just how cruel it can be...
1. Reminiscing

**I've changed this to be separate to Falling In and Out of Love. This will be a prequel for it. **

* * *

**Hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, but I do want Syaoran… -drools- **

**Realisations**

**Chapter 1: Reminiscing **

A pale skinned girl with shoulder length auburn hair sat curled up in her comfy bed, listening to the familiar sounds of _pitter patter_ outside; as the rain began to silently pour over the small streets of Tomeda. She relaxed her shoulders into the bed and had just closed her eyes for a minute when she heard the familiar beeping sounds of her cell phone.

"…_aww sorry my sweet cherry, I gotta go sleep now. T.T I wanted to stay up late to be with you but apparently im not very good at staying up late. Just wanted to say good night and sweet dreams I love you hug your love, forever, Ritsu."_

After staring at the txt for a while, deep in thought, she sighed as she began to reply….

"_Its okay, you should sleep anyways, you need as much beauty sleep as you can get P lolz just joking, your beautiful cough. Haha anyways, good night to you too XD. Txt you tmrw." _

With a quick press of a button, she sent the txt before throwing her cellphone onto her bed, quickly losing it in her jumble of blankets. Sighing to herself again, she started to ruffle her hair.

"Oh my God, what is wrong with me?" she thought confusedly, "Shouldn't I be replying with an "I love you too" or anything?" "Why do I feel nothing when he says all this sweet stuff to me?" I felt a sudden pang of guilt. "Why isn't my heart racing like it's supposed to… He's my Goddamn boyfriend for God's sake."

Sighing again, she fell back onto her bed. "When did this start… when did my stomach stop feeling butterflies, when did my heart stop racing, where'd it all go?" Questions filled her mind as she suddenly felt really guilty; each realization was like a stab in the heart.

She couldn't keep lying to him like this… it… wasn't right.

"He deserves better than this" she thought to herself as she kept on thinking.

"I can't believe I'm breaking my promise… I promised I wouldn't be those girls who fall out of love so quickly. Yet here I am, dying from guilt." She said, once again sighing.

She felt like such a bitch.

"Or maybe, this is just a phase I'm going through, I'm sure I still care a little about him, I just need to find a way to trigger this feeling to come back." She started thinking. "Maybe I do love him, and I just don't… know it, that's all." She thought hopefully, the girl's bright emerald orbs started to shine in hope. Then her large eyes glazed over.

"Oh who am I kidding myself?" She said frustrated, before forcing herself to stop thinking and sleep.

But she couldn't, instead she spent the night tossing and turning, guilt running through her mind all through the night until, somehow she managed to fall into a deep sleep.

"Saa-kuuu-raaa… my sweet, sweet cherry blossom. Why don't you love me anymore? Is it because of another guy? Or am I not good enough for you… why'd you leave me… you were my first love. I opened my heart to you; you were the only one I could trust. I gave you everything I had to offer… I loved you so much yet you felt nothing back. You're selfish, how could you hurt me like this… whyyyy - - -"

With a jolt, Sakura Kinomoto woke up with a start. Sweat trickling down her forehead as she slowly sat up, breathing heavily. Her heart was beating so hard it nearly hurt. She felt tears prickle her large emerald eyes.

She glanced at her clock. 5:40am. "Joy…" She thought to herself as she got out of bed and went into her bathroom, which was adjoined to her bedroom, and quickly splashed some cold water to her face. She relished the feeling of the ice cold water on her flushed cheeks.

This was becoming a common ritual.

Sakura stood there, staring into the large mirror while trying to recall her latest installment of her greatly vivid dream about Ritsu. It wasn't the first she'd had, and definitely not the last.

Each time, the dream was more intense, more real than ever. It scared her. But this was only her dreams. Ritsu wasn't this dramatic in real life, plus he still hasn't realised that my feelings for him were gone. At least, not yet.

She looked into her large mirror again, once again lost in thought. How did it start? When did I fall for him? When did he change…?

Sakura's POV

I had fallen for Ritsu Nakumi first. He was tall, lean with a slight tan. His hair was a dark brownish colour. He was sweet, smart and funny, but it was his intense silvery gray eyes that first caught my attention.

From then on, I started to notice him more, and even started to talk to him. At first, talking to him was difficult, since he was quite a quiet and shy person. But slowly, he started to open up to me. Then he started to occupy my mind.

I gave him my email address; and from then on we started to talk more, slowly at first, but then finally sending about 20 emails or so in one day. Each email was long and detailed, talking about life, homework and what ever else that just so happened to pop into our minds. I learnt about his life, and he learnt about mine.

The highlight of my day was usually when I turned on my laptop and opened my inbox to find a familiar email sitting in there, waiting for me to open it. My heart would start pounding at its irregular beat, as I opened the email in anticipation, for what awaited me.

I would spend hours, on my laptop, from light to dark, just sending him email after email. Sometimes, I nearly forgot to do my homework. But I didn't mind, it was worth it talking to him.

I consulted my best friend Tomoyo Daidouji, about the situation.

When she had first found out about Ritsu, she had squealed in delight so loudly, it nearly broke my ear drums.

About my situation? Although she was deeply excited about me hooking up with someone, she told me, that I should keep being friends with him until the time was right. So, that I was sure he was the guy for me.

oOoOoOoOo

Discovering instant messaging was like a dream come true.

Finally no more, "press send" then realizing that you forgot to put "to who", then pressing back and realised your long email, was gone.

No more urges to kill my laptop when my email thing doesn't send, then I press the back button only to realise it had completely erased email. And to make it worse, it was an EXTRA long one.

No more, waiting ages for a reply, while starting to panic and letting my imagination run wild, imagining he was busy with some voluptuous blonde chick, when in reality he had only fallen asleep.

From then on, I seemed to spend even MORE time talking to him (if that was possible). Every night, I would just go on and talk to him.

My life suddenly seemed to revolve around him. When I wasn't thinking of him, I was probably talking to him. I had no idea my feelings would start to pull me in so deep, but I didn't mind. I liked it.

I honestly thought that I loved him; I couldn't imagine spending a day without him. That was how deep my feelings were.

Thinking back about it now, I realised just how childish I was. I mean seriously, love?

The only time we'd talk was on msn. In real life, it was always me TRYING to make him talk to me. But it was difficult since he was naturally I quiet person.

I remember the day when I had finally come up with the guts to tell him how I felt. After many long nights of debating with myself, and consulting many of my closest friends, I decided I just couldn't hide my feelings from him anymore.

It was too agonizing. My heart would always race whenever he said sweet things unconsciously. All I wanted to do was to tell him how much I loved him, but I was too afraid of loosing our friendship that took me months to build up. Plus there was still the chance that I would be rejected. Just like that.

I consulted Tomoyo about this, but all she did was laugh.

"Of course he likes you silly." She said, her amethyst orbs glittering brightly. "I mean, look at the way he looks at you, with such a soft, loving gaze."

"He totally likes you." She said, once again giggling her usual giggle.

"I don't know…." I started, but then Tomoyo interrupted.

"What have you got to lose? Just confess to the poor guy already." Tomoyo said reassuringly.

"Hmmm, how about a good friend, my dignity, my reputation, my…. Wait… I have no reputation. Okay scratch the last one. But seriously, what if things go totally awkward?" I asked nervously.

"Saku-chan…. You're getting waaay too pessimistic here. Think of your situation with the glass half full. He likes you. And you know it." She said in her as a-matter-of-factly voice.

"What do you mean I know it? I KNOW NOTHING!! Honestly, the chances of him. Liking ME. As more than a friend… hahahahaha yeah that'll be the day." I said sarcastically.

"You're in D-E-N-I-A-L Sakura. Besides what guy wouldn't fall in love with your _KAWAIINESS_ Saku-chan." She said, making a weird face.

"More like being scared away by my weirdness…." I said rolling my eyes.

"Okay…so you're a LITTLE weird," (HEY! Don't agree with me!) "but that's not enough to scare a guy away…"

"Let's hope so." I said sticking my tongue out at Tomoyo before walking off to my next class.

oOoOoOoOo

After my conversation with Tomoyo, I started thinking. _Could it be true, that he really likes me? Nah no way, now I'm just being WAY too full of myself. There's no way that could happen. I mean, life isn't like the manga books. Chances of him liking me as more than a friend, is low. _But still… there was still a tiny, tiny chance, somewhere, that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

With that, my thoughts were once again filled with, him. I thought about our friendship, and about my feelings. How had my feelings grown so deep? I have no idea. It just grew, and grew, and it felt like it would never stop.

I honestly thought that I was in love. I was blinded, by my emotions.

Everything I did was done in impulse. It's amazing how much your feelings do to control your every move. Even though my brain was thinking all these consequences of the future, all my heart could do was pound, swoon and attempt to jump out of my chest every time I saw Ritsu.

The day I decided to confess, I honestly thought my life would suddenly have a brighter light to it. As if having a boyfriend would change my life dramatically. I had always dreamt of having a boyfriend. I mean who doesn't? (boys don't count… unless you're….different) I dreamt of my first date, somewhere romantic but cheap, my first kiss, a soft and gentle peck on the lips, and my first words of "I love You…" I wanted them all to be…special.

I mean, who wouldn't?

After trying to get him alone for quite some time that day, I managed to drag him into a deserted corridor, overlooking the school field and everyone else down there, unconscious about what was going to happen.

We walked in awkward silence for a while, with me trying to fill the emptiness with random attempts at making conversation. Finally when I was pretty sure we were alone, I started. "Um…. Err…. I have something I need to tell y---" I was cut off suddenly by the loud shouts of a few guys running through the corridors.

After waiting a while, and making sure that there were no more random guys, I started again. "Anyways….as I was saying. I have something I've wanted to tell you for a very long ti---" I stopped abruptly as a large group girls walked past us, some of them I recognized. They were talking about some hot guy playing soccer downstairs or something.

_ARGHHH… Goddammit! Stop interrupting me you random people! _I thought angrily to myself. I looked at the locker in front of me, sitting there innocently even though it had just witnessed my hardships. Suddenly I was VERY tempted to punch it….

I calmed myself down. _Okay, stay strong, you've gone this far already… don't give up! _I thought positively to myself. _But wait, what if all these random interruptions are a sign…. That I shouldn't confess or something?! Arghhh!! …wait no… Sakura, you're overreacting. You're a strong girl. Just get it over and done with. _

"Um… Ritsu… the thing is……." I trailed off; Ritsu looked into my eyes with a confused expression.

"Yes?" he asked.

"….okay… for a long time now, I've been feeling something. Something strange… and I finally realised what it is…"

"…I…reallylikeyouasmorethanafriend!" I said quickly in one breath.

I lowered my gaze and stared at the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut as if expecting a loud rejection from Ritsu, but there was nothing. Slowly, I lifted my gaze and looked towards Ritsu. His face was red, and he looked speechless.

"Ahhh…well... you don't need to answer what I just said…I just wanted to tell you my feeling, that's all….." I started nervously.

"Anyways, why don't we go find the others, I bet they're worried by now…-" I said while I turned away and started to walk out of the corridor. Suddenly a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me backwards.

I looked up, blushing like crazy as I realised his hands were wrapped around my waist.

"Whaa--" I swear, my face was so red I probably looked like a tomato.

"…Sakura, I'm sorry I didn't say anything before. Truth is... I've liked you for so long. I just never had the guts to tell you how I felt." My stomach was fluttering like crazy and my heart was racing at 100km/h (if that was even possible.)

"..I…uh…" I stuttered as I struggled to find the right words.

_OMG worst time for my brain to suddenly die on me, come on Sakura, think of something smart and charming to say. HE LIKES YOU! _

Before I could say another word, he interrupted.

"Sakura, will you be my girlfriend?" staring me straight in the eyes with his grey orbs. I stopped and pretended to think, then laughed and said

"hmmm… I'll have to think about it..." while poking my tongue out and blushing like mad.

"Yes of course, silly." I quickly said, smiling back.

When we finally got back to our friends, our faces were flushed and Tomoyo eyed me suspiciously.

"Okay… SPILL!" Tomoyo shouted.

"Wait, wait, wait…." I said shushing Tomoyo as the others eyed me and Tomoyo weirdly.

"Ahhh… Tomoyo-chan… lets take a nice walk. See you guys later!" I said quickly before dragging Tomoyo off behind a building towards the cluster of cherry blossom trees.

As soon as I reached the sanctuary of the cherry blossom trees in full blossom with Tomoyo dragged behind me. I immediately breathed in a deep breath and fell to the trunk of the cherry blossom tree with Tomoyo sitting beside me. I turned to Tomoyo, my face was shining. I couldn't stop grinning. And I could see from the look in Tomoyo's eyes, she didn't need to ask about the end result.

Tomoyo squealed loudly, "I KNEW IT!!"

"Aiya... Tomoyo, you're gonna kill my ears…" I said sweat dropping.

"Sorry, sorry, but I just knew it would happen!" She said excitedly. Then suddenly her face fell. "CRAP!" She yelled.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused.

"I wasn't there to video tape it! SAKU-CHAN's FIRST CONFESSION! …nooooooooo…." She said dramatically while having a genuinely sad look on her face. I sweat dropped.

Suddenly she turned around and stared at me with an evil glint like the ones when she found out about 50 discounts at some clothes store.

"I wanna hear the details!" she said excited again. Man Tomoyo sure has a lot of different emotions. I leaned back onto the trunk of the cherry blossom tree and watched as the soft, velvety petals fell from the tree, one by one, before starting.

Tomoyo listened intently as I told her the story, and even squealed a few more times.

"He said WHAT?!" She shouted. "OMGSH I knew this would happen. This is just perfect Saku-chan, you and Ritsu will be like the _perfect_ couple." She said grinning like mad.

When I had first heard Tomoyo say that, I honestly thought it could be true. I trusted my feelings so much; I believed they would never falter. Little did I know, things never stay the same for long, even as much as you try to stop it from changing, you just can't stop time, and you can't stop your emotions…?

XxXxX

**A/N: whoa, I never expected the chapter to be THIS long, I mean sure 3 or 4 pages but….7? Word Count: 2900!!! O Okay, now your all probably thinking. What the, WHERE'S SYAORAN? And some may even find that Sakura is being mean. Hopefully by the next chapters or so, things will get clearer? I'll probably talk more about Ritsu, and his personality and stuff in the next chapters or so. **

**And don't worry; this will end up to be an SxS fic….I hope…. (Don't kill me!) **

**Besides, this is my first fanfic; it may stray from the plot. **

**ANYWAYS… constructive critism is needed! Tone down on the flames please, as I would like to keep writing in the future, and it doesn't help to have people hate your stories…. TT **

**Tell me if the plot makes sense or if it's just plain…random. **

**Thanks **

**RomanceFr3ak **


	2. Bitter Sweet Memories

**A/N: Here's Chapter 2, I tried to explain more about Ritsu. So I hope it helps. XD**

**Disclaimer: sob I don't own CCS, or Syaoran. Dammit. **

**Realisations**

**Chapter 2: Bitter Sweet Memories.**

It's raining again.

The dark masses of swirling clouds covered the skies, leaving an almost ominous look to it. The wind was howling, blowing against the window pane with an angry roar. Rain scattered furiously onto the houses and roads of Tomeda. I just sat and listened, the irregular beats of rain hitting against my window were like music to my ears, a faint beat that only I could understand.

I lay there, on my soft, warm bed, staring into the ceiling. I seem to be doing that a lot these days. I just lay there, listening to the rain and its irregular rhythm. It's usually at times like these when I start to think, think about my life, my feelings, and all my bitter sweet memories.

I remember my mum, Nadeshiko Kinomoto. She was beautiful, stunning, and a great wife and mother. I remember how we used to make little rain men in tissue paper and draw cute faces on them and hanging them on the window sills, on rainy days. I miss her…

Those were the good old days; when she was still…okay….before she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was only three years old then, but I was old enough to understand what was happening. Although I refused to believe it, because my mum had always seemed like such a strong figure, until the cancer had moved up to her brain, where they could no longer treat it as it was in a delicate and dangerous area. Watching her in her last moments were so painful, her beautiful long, dark locks were gone. Her face was deathly pale. Her face was sullen, and her cheeks had sunken into her face. But even with all these physical changes, she was still the same beautiful mum I knew; she still had the same sparkle in her eyes, and her sweet warm smile. She fought for as long as she could.

I didn't want her to go. Neither did dad or my older brother Touya, but we knew, there was nothing we could do. My heart tore apart inside when I saw her go, but deep inside, I was relieved. Relieved to know she wasn't in pain anymore. That was the only thing that stopped me from crying for my mum at night, to know that she was in a better place and would always be watching me from the heavens.

The rain, it brings back so many other memories as well, especially of Ritsu. I remember back when I was "crazily in love" with him. Every time it rained, I would sit on my window sill staring out at the grey clouds singing some random love song that was in my head. I really was crazy.

At first, making him talk to me in a more relaxed way was hard since he was a pretty uptight person, plus in real life he liked to talk in dot language rather than human.

So, I tried a different approach.

"So, how'd you do in the science test?"

"….."

"….it was okay." He said quietly.

"So… is it true… your gay?" I asked him innocently out of the blue.

"WHAT?!" Ritsu stared at me with this hilarious look on his face as his usual calm and poker faced exterior was gone.

I laughed. "Hahahaha, I knew it" I said jokingly.

"WHAT?! NO WAY… who told you this eh?" he said urgently.

I laughed for a while more before finally replying, "I'm joking, silly. Haha, who knew you, would take it so seriously."

He grumbled. "Finally, I get to see your true face, Nakumi-san." I said brightly. "I'm joking about the gay thing, by the way." I said, while suppressing a new round of giggles.

At first he looked like he was going to get mad again, but then, his expression softened and he just started to laugh along with me.

"Of course your joking, I mean, me? Gay? No way…" he said reassuringly.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess… but sometimes I wonder…" I said, smiling evilly.

"Yeah, well stop wondering now, cause it ain't true, and its never going to happen."

And with a simple and innocently innocent enough question, I had seen a side to Ritsu, that was part of the _real_ him. I was excited to see more.

Finally after hours of trying to talk to him, Ritsu finally seemed to start to open up and started to joke around a lot. I saw his, sociable side. The only problem was, the only times I _did_ see his _sociable_ sides were on the internet.

In real life he was still like a statue to talk to, which made it even harder for me to try talk to him. I would walk up to him, with this whole conversation planned out in my head. Then when I get to him, I would feel so intimidated, I would blank out, which usually leads to me making random jokes, and blindly punching people until I am within a 50m radius away from him. That phase lasted a while.

I still remember, before the confession, what actually made me fall in love with him. I guess it was that he was everything, I never expected to be. Like that one time, it was raining outside and I had forgotten my umbrella….

Flash Back

I was standing safely under the shelter of the school steps, waiting for Tomoyo to come and save me from the rain, but she never showed up. It was getting late and it was starting to get cold. I just stood there, watching as people quickly opened up their multi coloured umbrellas and rushed to the comfort of their homes.

I saw Chiharu and Yamazaki walk off together under a mauve coloured umbrella, I noticed she was snuggling _quite_ close to him as they walked off, laughing together as Yamazaki told a random joke or something. I sighed dreamily, gushing at how cute they were. They reminded me of a few Korean drama's I had seen during the break, and in every one, they always had the "umbrella scene" Where it's raining, and the girls all alone, until her guy comes to her rescue with an umbrella over the top of him. With that, he offers to walk her home and share a romantic moment together and realise just how much they loved each other. Okay… so I'm a bit of a romantic….who isn't?

I looked around, and noticed that there were actually quite a lot of couples taking this moment to walk off romantically with their loved ones, I felt a tinge of jealousy as I started to imagine myself with my special someone under a pink, cherry blossom umbrella. Lost in my day dream I didn't notice a certain grey eyed boy come up in front of me.

"Kinomoto-san?" I immediately snapped out of my day dream to find myself staring into the eyes of none other than Ritsu.

"ARGH! Oh, Nakumi-san, it's only you. You scared me…" I said nervously.

"Haha, sorry about that… So what's up? Did you forget your umbrella or something?" He asked with a concerned look in his eye.

I looked up at him. "In fact I did, I forgot my umbrella…." I said sweat dropping. "I was hoping to find Tomoyo, and share an umbrella with her, but it seems she's disappeared…." I said, half talking to myself while frantically looking in the crowd of umbrellas for a long haired, amethyst eyed girl.

"Hmmm, Daidouji-san? I think I just saw her get into a limo a few minutes ago…" Ritsu said scratching his head.

"What?! She left? WITHOUT ME?! Damn… now how will I get home…" I said frantically while trying to think of a solution to my problem.

"Well… hmmm, how about you take my umbrella Kinomoto-san?" He said suggestively.

I immediately rejected his offer. "No ,no ,no… That wouldn't do… I mean if I take your umbrella... how will you get home?" I asked quizzically.

He started scratching his head. "Well, it doesn't matter, since I have a car waiting for me right outside school…."

"But you'll be walking in the rain for a few minutes before you reach your car…" I said worriedly.

"Well… You could always share an umbrella with me until I get to the car, Kinomoto-san." He said sheepishly. "If you want." He added quickly.

I looked up at him; I could feel a light flush spread over my pale cheeks.

"Of course!" I said quickly, then realised just how overly eager I sounded, I blushed before saying "…Well, it's so you won't catch a cold… it's the least I can do, since your lending me _your _umbrella."

"I'd lend my umbrella to you anytime, that's what friends are for aren't they?" He said shrugging.

I felt a twinge in my heart hearing the word _friends_, but I shrugged it off. _I was going to be walking under an umbrella… with RITSU!! Just like the Korean dramas! So what if the walks only going to be a few minutes long. It will be the longest, bestest minutes of my life. _I thought to myself while grinning like an idiot.

"…uhh… Kinomoto-san? You in dream land again?" He asked once again, while waving his hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my day dream. _Damn, I've got to stop doing that._

I blushed. "Hah yeah sorry…about that…" I said trailing off before starting. "Yeah that's what friends are for!" I said brightly, trying to overly emphasize the word "friends".

"So let's start walking" He said as I flung my backpack over my shoulder and huddled up close to Ritsu while we slowly walked through the current downpour.

Even though it was quite cold outside under the rainfall and the harsh wind, I could feel myself heating up as I blushed at the fact that I was very, _very _close to him right now. Every time our elbows accidentally touched, I felt a rush of small tingles shoot up my arm. My heart beat quickened, while my hands went all clammy and sweaty. We walked in silence, I wanted to say something, but being this close to him made my mind go numb and I couldn't think anymore. My brain just, shut down, which didn't help much since awkward silences weren't always the best of signs.

We walked quickly, splashing through puddles, deep and shallow. I was sad to see that we started to near a black car parked outside the school which I knew was the car that was here to pick him up. Even though that walk only lasted a few minutes, it was _longest_ minutes of _my life._

"Okay, this is my stop. See yah Kinomoto-san. Have a safe trip home, oh and you can return the umbrella back anytime you want." He said smiling warmly.

My heart did its usual flutter before I replied.

"Thank you soooo much Nakumi-san. I owe you one." I said as he got into his car and waved one last time before driving off into the fading distance.

I just stood there and took in the whole moment. My heart was still racing even after he was long gone. My heart was about to burst. This feeling, it was so strong, it was almost nauseating. I stood there for a moment, just staring at the rain, feeling it pour down onto my umbrella and the ground, watching as it made thousands of tiny ripples in the puddles formed on top of the concrete.

I stood there, recalling the warmth of his body heat, and the kindness of his smile as if trying to remember it forever in my mind. With that, I slowly started walking slowly towards the direction of my house, excited to add a new entry to my journal.

end of memories

I never did end up returning his umbrella, _I think its still in my room…somewhere…. _I thought when I suddenly remembered, my journal. _It has been so long since I've last written in it._ I gingerly picked up one of my large pillows, and sitting there, comfortably under my pillow for nearly a year now, an old burgundy coloured journal sat there. All my emotions, feelings poured into that tiny journal. It's been too long.

I'd nearly forgotten about it. I had to hide it under my pillow, so that my annoying brother Touya won't find it, _he already mocks me enough about being a Kaijuu_. I thought while glaring at an imaginary figure of Touya.

I flicked open the old book, and flipped through its page, skimming past the vast colours of pens and the odd drawings here and there. I stopped at the page where I rambled on about the rain scene.

One particular line caught my eye. "It's so strange; it feels like, the more I know him, the more I like him." I looked at that sentence; it was so ironic that I used to think like that. I can still remember how I felt about him so clearly, yet none of those feelings still exist now.

I don't know what to do now. I used to love him, I used to care. Now, I just want to run away. I don't know when it started, I don't know how, it just happened.

Ritsu now, is not the Ritsu I fell in love with. He's changed. So much, but I guess that's probably my fault. Before, his words were simple and playful. Now, they were deep and emotional.

That's supposed to be good right?

No.

His words, his love, it makes me feel like I'm suffocating….suffocating from his love. His sweet nothings seemed to wound around me tight and felt like they would never let go. I feel like I can't breathe when I'm around him. I feel like, every moment I spend with him, it's just me forcing myself to get through that moment with a fake smile on my face. I guess, in short, I think, I'm scared of him. His love, changed him to someone I don't know anymore.

The loud vibrating noise of my cell phone suddenly snapped me out of my deep thoughts. I glanced at my phone. _1 new text message. _I could guess who it was already, Ritsu.

"_Hey my sweet cherry blossom, I miss you so much. But this rain is stopping me from seeing you. I really do miss you. Did you know I had a dream about you last night? I was holding you in my arms as we sat and watched the sunrise together. It was beautiful, just like you. I really don't know what I'd do without you. Txt your lover back okay? Love, Ritsu."_

I stared at the txt, a feeling overwhelmed me, a discomfort in my heart. I could feel goosebumps on the back of my neck. _Holding me?! Sunrise?! Ugh… Barf…. That's disturbing. _I couldn't help it, instead of feeling the beating of my heart, I was creeped out. _Extremely _creeped out.

_How the hell do I reply him?_ I thought frantically to myself. '_Nice dream, too bad it kinda creeps me out…?' _No, too mean, he'd freak. '_I dreamt about you too?' _…No… that would give the wrong idea…. shudders

I honestly don't get it, when did he suddenly change into this sickeningly sweet guy, who seemed to drown me in his sweetness. When did it become this? When did I start to drown, drown in the sea of love he had created. I need to, no, have to swim out, quick, before I really _do_ drown.

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**A/N: Well this chapter wasn't as long as the first one. (sorry!) I got lazy, that's why. Well in this chapter, you start to see the difference between the Ritsu Sakura had fallen in love with and the Ritsu that is now her boyfriend. If you think it's a bit over-dramatic, well let me tell you… this is based on a NEARLY true story! XD lolz…**

**Oh yeah, sorry if sakura-chan seems a bit.. OOCish and emo-ish… **

**AAAND… still no syaoran in THIS chapter… T.T…. Sorry peoples, but we gotta at least get this relationship over and done with first. **

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed it.**

**REVIEWS PLEASE! Love it? Hate it? TELL ME.. Constructive critism wanted…**

**Press the nice shiny purplish looking button please. .**


	3. Facing Reality

**Authors Notes: AND HERE is Chapter 3!! it's an extra long chapter… hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I am not clamp, I do not own Sakura or any other characters, except RITSU don't even know if the plot is mine… bet I ain't the first to use it… --ll**

**Realisations**

**Chapter 3: Facing Reality**

You know how in pretty much every girl's magazine, there will always be an article or something about a girl who's just been dumped. You read about her rantings about her ex boyfriend and all this stuff about how he shouldn't have pulled her along if he didn't feel anything, how he shouldn't have acted like he liked her only to break her heart, or how much she hates him for making her still so obsessed about him now, that as much as she wants to hate him, it's hard, because in the end he's still her good for nothing love of her life and its hard to forget.

Well. Right now, I feel like that asshole boyfriend.

I'm such a goddamn hypocrite sometimes. Before, I would read all this and say to myself that I'll never do that, I'll never let anything like that happen to me. Yet look at me now.

I used to read those magazines and pity those girls writing them. I felt sorry for them for falling in love, and giving their hearts so easily. I used to think those ex boyfriends were such fcking jerks for hurting vulnerable girls like that. But now, in some twisted reality, it's _me _who's doing the hurting, and the worst part is, even though I know how much it will hurt him, I'm still going to do it.

oOoOoOoOo

There was a faint sound of a pencil scribbling away frantically on paper. A girl with auburn hair, tied up into a loose bun furrowed her eyebrows together as she finally paused to re-read what she had just spent the last 15 minutes writing. She silently mouthed it, feeling the words in her mouth as she imagined her saying them out loud. With a frustrated sigh, she re-read it one last time before furiously scrunching up the paper and throwing it to the ground beside her with all the other scrunched up balls of paper starting to pile up in her room.

She fell back on her chair, sighing. "Who knew it would be so hard to write a break up note?" She thought irritably to her self. She'd tried to make the break up as painless as possible, but it seemed, no matter how she wrote it, it still seemed to hurt a hell of a lot.

Suddenly, as if on cue, her cellphone started vibrating, somewhere amongst the scrunched up piles of paper balls. When she found it, she glanced at the screen to find 3 new messages…they were all from Ritsu.

"Oh my god…" she thought sighing to herself, she opened the first one.

"_Morning my sweet cherry blossom… You didn't reply to me last night… T.T did you fall asleep again? That's the third time this week… you shouldn't stress yourself out doing too much work. Anyways, you awake now? "_

This was sent to me at 8:15am, she glanced at her pink alarm clock sitting next to her bed, 12:58pm. _Shit_.

Reluctantly, she opened the second text message.

"_Waaahhh… did Saku-chan die? Or are you still sleeping… Awww… wake up soon, I'm lonely without my cherry blossom. You're not sick are you? T.T"_

A slight shiver ran down her back, as she started to get goosebumps. That just wasn't right. He was being too sweet; the kind of sweetness that felt like it was suffocating you. "I don't even want to read what the next text message is going to say…" she thought to herself.

But, she still had to read it…

"….waaahh… saku-chan died for a long time… if you've forgotten about me then……T.T…..that's okay….T.T"

She felt like puking, "I know…he's trying to be caring… but this is too much. It's as if I'm the only person he talks to…" she thought grimacing to herself. She stared at the text, debating whether or not to reply, and what she would say. But at that moment, she honestly just didn't feel like handling his sweetness. "I'll reply later…" she thought to herself, but she knew that later usually meant never.

She sighed a deep sigh before throwing her cellphone back into the pile of scrunched up paper balls, letting it drown amongst them, wishing that she could drown in them too. Then without a word, she fell onto her bed, sighing deeply.

She closed her eyes and thought about her current situation. "Why is life so cruel?" she thought growling to herself. "I don't want to avoid him, but I do…" "…ughh…this makes no sense…" She said aloud.

"Why did things have to change…?" She said sadly, while opening her large emerald eyes, staring at the ceiling above her. She had a glazed look in her eyes, as she thought about all her sweet memories of when she was in love with him. Her heart did a choke, as she remembered how she used to feel. How her heart would pound, and swoon whenever she saw him. She really didn't want to hurt him, but she also couldn't keep lying to herself.

"It's not fair…" She said, blinking the tears away, "…life really is not fair…."

oOoOoOoOo

I used to think that it was better to have a boyfriend that loved you more than you loved him. That way he would never cheat on you. But now, that I think about it, I completely change my mind. I would do anything, _anything_ at all to get those butterflies back in my stomach.

I would do anything for me to be more in love with him, than him with me. I would rather be the one heartbroken than to have him with his heart broken.

But, life is cruel that way. I don't blame anyone but myself for the feelings disappearing. All I feel is regret. But I still can't help but wonder to myself sometimes as I'm lying on my bed at night. What the hell happened? All my feelings, emotions, my love, once so vibrant and strong, how did they suddenly fade away into thin air just like that? Or maybe, they had already started fading away a long time ago, I was just reluctant to realise it until it had nearly all faded.

For the following weeks, I reduced the numbers of texts that I would send to Ritsu dramatically. I hadn't done it on purpose, it just happened. I didn't want him to find out my true feelings, but as the days went by, I became more and more obvious.

Going on msn, I would usually appear offline, just so he wouldn't know I was online. Harsh, but I really didn't know how to face him. I tried to talk to him like normal. Trust me, I really _tried_. But all that did was lead me to realise just how much I had fallen out of love with him.

I guess in the end, all these subtle ways of avoiding him, were just new ways for me to run away from all my problems. I had always been doing that; when things got tough I was always first to run away. When mum had cancer, I simply ignored it, pretending it wasn't there. When she left us, I didn't accept it until 2 months later. For those 2 months, I just pretended that she had gone on a very long modeling trip and would come back soon. Of course, that never worked.

I loved to run away from reality, because sometimes, reality _really _sucks, and you just can't help but create a small, imaginary fantasy land for yourself in your mind where everything is okay. Of course I knew that running away will take me no where, but that doesn't stop me because it's easier that way.

Fighting with your heart and brain is one of the most difficult fights you can have with yourself. My heart is telling me, just give up, you don't love him anymore. While my brain says, there's still hope, don't give up on him, you'll only break his heart. Usually, my brain wins. It has more control over my body anyways.

I tried to negotiate between the two, but because I was so afraid of seeing the hurt look on his face, I kept listening to my brain and ended up delaying it for longer and longer… Until it got to the point where other people started to suspect something was up. Even Yamazaki, who was quite clueless when it came to love, even his own, started to suspect something was wrong. I looked at my group of friends, who were all suddenly looking at me curiously, wondering if what Yamazaki had just pointed out was real or not. I put on my best smile and simply said,

"Nothings wrong….hahahaha….Seriously, you guys think too much…." I laughed trying to sound reassuring. Tomoyo had her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow at me.

"…So…. Nice weather we've been having lately eh? Hahaha…" I did _not_ just use the weather line. OH CRAP… Tomoyo is _so_ going to see through this.

"Ahh, yes, it is quite sunny. Did you know the ancient Aztec used to worship the sun as a God…" And with one line, Yamazaki was on a roll. I sighed in relief; at least now people were distracted.

I glanced around and noticed Tomoyo eyeing me suspiciously, then suddenly said.

"Oh, Sakura, didn't we have to go to _that_ meeting today?" she said loudly, while tugging at my arm urgently.

I looked at her, deeply confused. "What mee- OW!" I yelped as Tomoyo suddenly elbowed me on my side hard while giving me _that _look.

"..Oh… yes!" I said laughing fakely, "_THAT _meeting…yeah… hahaha… we're late…so bye!" I managed to say quickly before Tomoyo practically dragged me away.

When we were a safe distance away from the group, she loosened her iron hard grip. Who knew she was that strong.

She looked me straight in the eye. "Sakura, what's up…?" She asked with a serious tone.

I avoided her eyes. "Oh nothing much, although I think Touya might finally ge-"

"No… not that. What's up with you and Ritsu?" She said cutting me off. Her eyes filled with concern. I stared deep into her amethyst eyes, searching for the right words to explain the emotional rollercoaster I was going through.

"It's…complicated…" was all I could think of.

"I've got time." She said simply.

I let out a heavy sigh. "Well…." I started. I turned away from Tomoyo and started to walk slowly off towards the cherry blossom trees.

"…the thing is, I've been having this fight with myself lately…" I said, hoping I made sense. "I mean, Ritsu is really sweet, and he is really nice and all…. But… but…." I trailed off, struggling to find the right words.

"---but you just don't like him in that way anymore." Tomoyo finished for me.

"Yeah! That's right… I know its mean… I didn't want it to happen… but…" I said, trailing off again.

Tomoyo looked at me comfortingly, a sweet smile forming on her face. "Don't be sad Sakura; just tell me everything, from the beginning." So I did. I just opened my mouth and let loose my emotions that I had been trying so hard to suppress. They all just started spilling out of my mouth, eager to finally be heard by the ears of someone other than myself.

"…aww, but that one's really sweet…" Tomoyo gushed, while reading one of Ritsu's many long text messages.

"It is _NOT_!" I protested, "It kinda creeps me out…" I said, shivering slightly. "Imagine if a guy said that to you." I said, trying to make her understand.

"Well…" She paused and thought about it. Then she scrunched up her face. "Okay… well if you put it that way maybe that would be a _bit _extreme…" She said. "…Even for an extreme romantic like myself." She said laughing, finally agreeing with me. I laughed along with her, but then I remembered my current situation.

"So Tomoyo, what should I do…?" I asked in a near desperate voice.

"Saku-chan…..you have to tell him as soon as possible, otherwise, if you leave it any longer, it will only make it even harder to tell him…" Tomoyo said with a concerned voice, looking me straight in the eyes.

"…I know…but… how? And when?" I asked.

"That my ­dear Sakura is what I'm here for…" Tomoyo said with an evil glint in her eyes.

"What are you planning…." I asked with a questioning look.

She simply grinned and said. "After school. My house."

oOoOoOoOo

"…okay let's try this again…we should start off with 'I have something I need to talk to you about…." Tomoyo said while walking around her huge bedroom holding onto a small beige coloured notebook.

The whole room was a mixture of lilacs and baby pink. It was as huge as my lounge at home, maybe bigger. Her large ensuit bathroom, had a spa _AND _a sauna. She had her own sewing room, where all the clothes she designed and made were. To top it off, she had her own big screen TV, stuck on the wall right in front of her lavender coloured bed, with a DVD and VCR player below it. I sat lazily on her comfy bed, breathing in the faint smell of lavenders.

"Wait…." I said suddenly. "But if I start off with that line, wouldn't that make it obvious that it would be bad news, which would make it obvious that I want to break up with him?" I asked frantically.

Tomoyo sighed. "Sakura, you think waaay too much."

"But…" I started.

"It's for the best..." She said cutting me off. "Okay… let's run through this…" Tomoyo said brightly, "Okay, I'm you and you're Ritsu…"

"Okay…" I cleared my throat. "Oh… Sakura, I love you…" I said in a ridiculous mimic of Ritsu.

Tomoyo giggled, "I see you're getting into character…"

"Okay…" She clears her throat as well. "Um… Ritsu, I have something I need to talk to you about…" Tomoyo started in a soft voice. _I don't really sound like that right?!_ I shook off that thought as it was my turn to act.

"Yes Saku-chan, what is it?" I replied in a soppy low voice.

Tomoyo clasped both her hands together, and held them at her knee as she looked down and said quietly. "The thing is, for a while now; I've been thinking….about some stuff…" She looked up, staring at me with sad eyes.

"I…I don't think things have been working out between us lately…." I pretended to gasp dramatically and look hurt.

"The thing is…" She continued, her face looked so serious, I almost felt sad as well even though it was only act, and then out of the blue she said. "I'm lesbian."

I looked at her, shocked. Then at the same time we both started cracking up. I was laughing so hard, I almost had tears streaming down my face. She was laughing just as hard.

"TOMOYO!! …hahahaha… those weren't the lines…" I managed to say between my laughing.

"I'm sorry…hahahah… I couldn't help it…" She said desperately trying to suppress her giggles.

"That was so random!" "I'm not _really_ going to say that am I?" I asked, still giggling.

"Only if you want to…" She said in a teasing tone.

With that a whole new rounds of giggles came up. I was laughing so hard, I was practically snorting as I imagined his reaction if I did tell him that.

We both then fell back onto her bed, still giggling like idiots.

"Okay… as much as I would like to say it…" I said in a sarcastic voice. "I don't think I can." I said in short breaths from all my laughing, my sides beginning to hurt.

"Firstly, it's not very believable." I said giggling slightly. "And secondly, it could really hurt him, especially his male pride." With that we both started bursting out laughing again.

After a while of laughing, we both finally managed to calm down and stared motionless at the lilac coloured ceilings above. I let out a heavy sigh as a sad look crossed my face. I could feel the tears coming.

"Tomoyo-chan…I can't help but feel so guilty right now. I mean, how can be so happy now when I'm potentially going to scar someone for life." I cried sitting up and burying my head in my hands. I can't believe I was joking around about something so serious.

Tomoyo sat up with me. "Sakura… you know I hate to see you cry…." She said solemnly while putting a hand gently on my back.

"Look, I know it's hard, but it'll only hurt him more if you don't tell him." She said. She was right. I had to tell him soon.

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry. I'll tell him." I said turning to face her, I pushed away all my feelings guilt. "I'll tell him tomorrow."

oOoOoOoOo

That night, going to sleep was harder than I thought. Every time I closed my eyes, I would see Ritsu, and remember all the good and bad times during the relationship we had. The guilt was so strong it was gnawing away at my heart slowly, but painfully. I finally managed to drift to sleep in the early hours of the morning with a pair of earphones blaring away loudly in my head, pushing all thoughts of Ritsu away and distracting me from reality.

_I looked around me to see the familiar buildings of my school towering around me. It was the middle of the day and the sun was shining brightly. The school itself was empty. No one was here, no one was ever here. I felt myself walk the familiar route towards the back field where a lone figure stood. He had his head held down, his dark hair tumbling over his face, a depressing aura around him. I already knew who he was, Ritsu._

_I opened my mouth to start speaking, but it only came out as a muffled cry as dark clouds suddenly engulfed the sun and rain suddenly started pounding down furiously into the ground. The rain was falling at such a force that it felt like a million needles stabbing at me. I looked up, realising I could barely see Ritsu in the downpour. All I could see was a faint outline of his shadow in the rain. _

_Then, I heard his voice, so faint it was barely audible. But somehow it was still loud enough to penetrate above the sound of rain pounding on the pavement. I looked back at Ritsu, to find I couldn't see his figure anymore; he seemed to have vanished in the rain. I tried to pick up where his voice was coming from, but it was all around me. His voice was so sad; I could almost feel the heart break in his voice. _

"_Saa-kuuu-raaa… my sweet, sweet cherry blossom. Why don't you love me anymore? Is it because of another guy? Or am I not good enough for you… why'd you leave me… you were my first love. I opened my heart to you; you were the only one I could trust. I gave you everything I had to offer… I loved you so much yet you felt nothing back. You're selfish, how could you hurt me like this…" Those lines, I had heard already so many times, I could practically mouth them. _

"_I thought you loved me. You were the first person I had truly opened up to…. I gave you my whole heart. That was how much I loved you. I don't even know what I did wrong… Don't worry about saying sorry, because you'll never have to see me again…"_

I woke up with a start. My heart was racing. I was breathing heavily and sweating cold sweat.

I looked at my pink alarm clock, 6:08am. I could still feel the numbness of the raining pounding against me, his words ringing through my head as I remembered the vivid dream.

It was very much the same as the others, yet it was also so different.

I got out of my bed slowly and made a move towards my bathroom, my movements slow and sluggish. I squeezed my eyes shut as I reluctantly turned on my lights and felt the bright light glaring at my eyes. I let my eyes adjust to the sudden brightness and stared deep into the mirror.

My face was as pale as snow. My breathing was shallow. I recalled the dream, and remembered his last words. _You'll never have to see me again… _It was different to all the past dreams I'd had. It didn't make sense; I didn't want to make any sense of it.

I peeled off my pajamas and got into the shower. I had a cold shower, relishing the numbness of the ice cold water hitting my pale skin, taking away all feeling, then turning it back to warm, washing away any remnants of the dream.

Feeling the warm water hit my ice cold skin was comforting, I could feel myself again. But that also brought back the realization that today was the day. Today was the D-day, the day I've been dreaming about for so many weeks, the day I've been having nightmares about. Hopefully, it wouldn't turn out like my nightmares… I mean, they're just dreams. Right?

I ate breakfast quickly and rushed out the door before Touya could even start calling me _Kaijuu_. I gave dad a kiss goodbye and walked off. I walked swiftly, feeling the cold morning air cut at my exposed skin. I tightened the scarf around me and was glad I decided to leave my long auburn hair down today. Even though the wind would probably mess it up and annoy me to hell, I was glad it could at least keep my ears warm.

I reached the school within 15 minutes. As I walked inside the school corridor, feeling the rush of warm air conditioned air hit my ice cold cheeks, I was immensely surprised to find hardly anyone at school yet. This was new to me since I was hardly ever on time to school, let alone arrive early.

Sadly, school passed by painfully fast. Before I knew it, it was already home time. Usually I would have been joyful, but this wasn't a normal day. I had hardly even managed to pay attention in _any_ of my classes. I tried to distract my thoughts by school work, but my brain just wasn't functioning.

As I left my last class of the day, I quickly ran up to Ritsu who was passing by and asked him to meet me behind the science building after school. He happily agreed. My heart did a pang, and I immediately felt the guilt rushing back to me as I saw his clueless smiling face, that probably wouldn't be smiling in an hour.

I found Tomoyo waiting for me at my shoe locker, with that knowing look in her eyes.

"So…are you ready for this?" She asked standing in front of me looking me straight in the eye, her amethyst eyes filled with concern.

"Honestly…? No and never will be." I said, but quickly added "But for the sake of mine and his happiness, I'm willing to make an exception" before Tomoyo could protest.

Relief filled her face as she said sincerely, "don't worry Saku-chan, I'll always be here for you…okay?"

I smiled back, "Thank you Tomoyo-chan…I'm just really not looking forward to seeing the hurt look in his eyes you know?" I said painfully.

"I know" She sighed, pulling me into a hug.

"We don't blame you Saku-chan… What needs to be done, will be done." She said reassuringly.

I hugged her back, thankful she was my best friend and glad she was here for me now. I pulled back and looked straight into her eyes. "I'll go find him now."

Before I could walk away, she stopped me. "Wait, Sakura."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Just remember, whatever you say to him. Say it from your heart…"

I continued walking towards the science buildings, "I will…"

oOoOoOoOo

I walked slowly, feeling the ice cold air brushing against my skin. The sky was a dark grey that looked almost as grim as I was feeling. I was immediately dreading what I was going to do.

When I saw his smiling face, I felt a sudden stab of pain in my heart. I smiled lightly back at him, at least I tried.

"Hey Saku-chan, so what'd you call me out here for anyway?" He asked, smiling unknowingly.

I looked at his smiling face, so clueless about my true intentions.

"The thing is…" I started, avoiding eye contact with him, "I have something I need to talk to you about…" I said, looking down, as if I was talking to my feet instead.

"Yes?" He asked, looking extremely confused but still as clueless as ever.

"The thing is…" I started, with a small quiet voice.

"…I don't think I can keep lying to myself anymore…"

The smile on his face was gone, as he slowly began to realise what was going to happen.

"I've changed…. We've both changed…"

His face went dark, his face blank of expression and emotion. The only thing that defied him was his eyes. His cold grey eyes, leading straight to his heart, showing the pain he was feeling.

I continued in an even quieter voice. "…I don't things will work out between us…." My breath hitched as I stared deep at the ground, waiting for an outburst of some kind. But there was none. Just silence.

As a moment went by that felt like an eternity, I dared to look up at his face, but immediately regretted it as I saw the pain in his silver eyes, tears threatening to spill. Everything went blurry as tears filled my eyes. "…I-I'm …. Sorry…." I managed to choke out before turning around and walking away.

Suddenly, as if to fit the mood, the dark clouds grew heavy and started pelting down big fat droplets of rain onto us, drenching us, as if crying for us.

The rain just came and fell, but I kept walking briskly, not caring that my clothes were sticking to me, or that I was probably going to get a bad cold from this. I just kept walking.

I wasn't even sure where I was heading.

I didn't care, anything, to get away from this moment.

Automatically, my legs led me to my favourite area, the cherry blossom trees. Even drenched in rain, the Cherry Blossom trees looked beautiful.

As soon as I reached the trunk of the old tree, I collapsed as if from exhaustion, then all my unshed tears that I had been holding back, came pouring out, mingling with the rain water that dripped down from my hair.

My heart seemed to burst out in pain, as I remembered his sad expression. I just cried, letting all my pain and guilt flow out. Everything became a blur, as I ignored the time and the rain. I just sat there underneath the tree, crying my heart out.

I don't know when I had stopped crying, it felt like I had been crying forever. My eyes and throat hurt a hell of a lot. My nose was dripping with snot and rain water. I had a headache the size of Antarctica. And my clothes were starting to feel really uncomfortable. I didn't have a mirror but I was sure I looked like hell.

But even with all this, I didn't really mind. The rain washed away not only my tears, but my pain and guilt, leaving me strangely relieved, as if I could finally breathe properly again.

When I finally decided to go home, it was already 6pm and my brother was on the verge of calling the cops on me.

Touya took one look at my tear stained face and immediately freaked out. He thought I had been hurt or something. I explained to him simply that I had broken someone's heart and I was just punishing myself for it. That only made him even more agitated.

I was relieved, when I finally managed to reach my bedroom and immediately fell onto my bed in exhaustion. I grabbed my wireless phone and called Tomoyo, to tell her everything. It was over now. I could finally breathe again.

Strangely enough, I never did have to go through the whole awkward post break up situation. Because the very next day, I found out he had moved to the other side of the country because his dad had some urgent business call. Like my dream had predicted, I never saw him again.

xXxXx

**A/N: And that is the end of an extremely long chapter. Haha. That's why it took so long to update, because I was too busy writing this long chappie. 4800 words! Woo!**

**Hmmm im worried it may be slightly emo-ish. Tell me! Haha**

**Also I want some good, honest critiques about what you liked and didn't… constructive critism please **

**Anyways, after this, we'll probably be moving like 3 years in time to the future. Heh… and hopefully, that's where…SYAORAN finally comes in XD yay. **

**I also wanna thank you reviewers thank you sooo much for reviewing. I really appreciate it. **

* * *

** The continuation of this will be in Falling in and out of Love, where the REAL story begins. **


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